My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
