i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
