so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
