thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
