U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
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