Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
