The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
