I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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