Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
