So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
