These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
