Jerry, you need to find god
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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