that's an acceptable place to lick
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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