mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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