Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
