I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He shit in the fireplace
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
