Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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