Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
