Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
