Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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