So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just want to make out with him forever
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
