I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
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This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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