dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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