I CAN MOONWALK!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
