she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
