A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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