my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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