remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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