somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
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She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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