It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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