ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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