I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
