Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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