I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
