Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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