I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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