i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
