a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
