I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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