nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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