Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
