i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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