i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
