More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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