i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
