her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
be right there i have to get my cape
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
