it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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