I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
