I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think my fart just growled at me.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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