Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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