My balls are so social today.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
