living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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