i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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