we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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