IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
