My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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