p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
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I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
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Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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