so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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