god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
