He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
