The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
