tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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