I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize