Where is the hickey?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
