What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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