So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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