it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
