Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
