yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
