i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
this is an emotional support booty call
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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