Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
