I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
