at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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