Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm like, not good at living.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
