Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
