I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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