a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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