she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
