Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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